So I met a gal last weekend. I met her at the workless party, a masquerade dance that my friend Olympia got me to go to. I certainly wasn’t complaining about going out with Olympia, as she is hot, single, and lives with 3 other hot single women. So I went to this party with Dallas and Keel in tow to meet Olympia, downing half a two six of gin on the way. Then once inside, I downed quite a few beers to boot. So suffice it to say, I got hammered. I danced all dressed up in my work duds with a rad ass mask that I spent the whole day finding. I spun poi , spun staff, juggled glow balls, watched the live acts and had all kinds of fun. Then the next thing I know I’m dancing with this chick. Being shit faced I only had vague recollections of what exactly happened. I remember making out with her on the dance floor, I remember losing my friends, I remember leaving with out my coat, and I remember getting a ride home in her Mercedes. Oh and did I mention I didn’t have my glasses? Ya, so being blindingly drunk coupled with actually being blind left me with less and a vivid memory of how this gal actually looked. I mean she wasn’t horrible, no matter how trashed I am I usually have some kind of standards, but I have no way to know if she was a 6 or a 10.
So the next morning I am filled with a sense of hope and curiosity. I wasn’t sure how to get my head around the whole not knowing what she looked like. Was this chick a super cute gal that I could really get to know? Or was she something dredged from the deep turned siren with the help of my trusty beer goggles? There was only one way to find out. I had to agree to see her again. I called my friend Dallas for some worldly advice and he laughed his ass off at me. But he did impart one tid bit of information. “Why don’t you just make her add you to face book? That way you can back out of the meeting if she is a dog.”
Genius! What a great way to find out what she looked like. So I made the call. After the initial awkward 30 seconds of recognition and the light banter we agree to go out. She sounded good on the phone which is a plus, and she told me she was only free Tues this week due to work, and a working girl is always good thing. Less expensive. So we decide to set the date for Tuesday. Finishing up the conversation I ask her, “why don’t you add me to face book and we can chat in the mean time?”
“I don’t do face book, I just don’t like having my life broadcast out there for everyone to see. It’s just not my style.” she responded.
Just my luck! God damn it! I couldn’t believe it. Now I was back to the same problem, no clue what she looks like. But screw it I figure, I’ll go on the date and have fun either way.
I set up the meeting at the coffee shop down the street from where I work. I figure it’s a good because I know the owner and can chat with him while I wait, it affords only one entrance which I could watch for someone who would recognize me, and with no set plans as to the local of our date I could either take her to a cute Mexican place down the street or one of my favourite bars for drinks. Looks permitting of course. So I set my self up at the back of the shop and chat with the owner Dave while he works, watching everyone who comes in. I start to notice a worrying trend though. As I sit I prepare to greet every single female that walks in the door. This is mainly due to the fact I still don’t have my glasses. Not only do I not recognize this girl, but I also cant see anyone who walks in! I sit back with worry and try to puzzle my way out of this predicament. But fortune would have it that I wouldn’t need to solve this problem. My phone rings.
“Are you pretty much done with your coffee? If you are you should pop outside and I’ll pick you up. That way I don’t have to park.”
Perfect! I can just jump into her car and there is no recognition problem at all!
“You remember what my car looks like right?”
Shit!
“Uhhh no, what kind of car do you drive?”
“Hahahaha, you don’t remember much from that night do you?” she responds with laugher.
Oh I forgot to mention that during our phone conversation I asked her the same things I asked her the whole night while plastered. What do you do? Where are you from? If you were a super hero what would be your super powers? You know, the usual questions.
“Sorry! I was really tanked.” I said laughing.
“It’s a silver SUV, I’ll be there in five.”
I hung up the phone and collected my things to stand by the side of the road and wait. She pulled up, I got in. The moment of truth. I looked over and was surprised. Not at her looks though, she was pleasing enough to the eye, nice long hair, pretty eyes and a great smile. But what I was surprised at was that she was a total cougar! She was definitely older than me. Not bad to look at mind you but quite a bit older than me. Time for drinks I thought.
I drag her to the bar down the street, getting lost on the way and making her walk through Kerrisdale between 4th and 1st in high heels. If you don’t know the area, the whole place is one big hill at about a 60 degree incline. I was laughing the whole time, she was swearing. Just a note for all you out there. If you ever want to go on a date with me, bring your walking shoes. You will usually need them.
We sit down, have some drinks talk back and forth and find out about each other. She seems really nice, she’s a conservational biologist, and works for free in a group that produces local musical talent among other charitable acts. She is also loaded, she owns three places, two in the states and one in Coal Harbour (an expensive area) which makes her seem very well put together. All in all a super cool chick. Only thing is the age issue.
We wrap things up and she drops me off at home. No promise of meeting up again, just a “give me a call” good bye.
Just another encounter with a cougar.
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